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For illustrations on this page, click titles:
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Disciples’ Resume
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To: Jesus, Son of Joseph, Carpenter Shop, Nazareth 26822
From: Jordan Management Consultants, Jerusalem, 26544
Thank you for submitting the resumes of the 12 men you have picked for management positions
in your new organization.
All of them have now taken our battery of tests.
We have not only run the results of these tests through our computer, but also arranged
personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant.
It is the opinion of our staff that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education,
and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking.
They do not have the team concept.
We would recommend that you continue your search for persons of experience in managerial ability and proven capability.
Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper.
Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership.
The two brothers, James and John, the sons of Zebedee,
place personal interest above company loyalty.
Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude
that would tend to undermine morale.
We feel it is our duty to tell you that Matthew has been blacklisted
by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau.
James, son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus definitely have radical leanings,
and both registered a high score on the manic-depressive scale.
One of the candidates, however, shows great potential.
He is a man of ability and resourcefulness.
He meets people well, has a keen business mind and contacts in high places.
He is highly motivated, ambitious, and responsible.
We recommend Judas Iscariot as your controller and right hand man.
All of the other profiles are self-explanatory.
We wish you every success in your new venture.
Sincerely yours,
Jordan Management Consultants
- Copied
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God’s Grace
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Grace means far more than we can put into words
because it means nothing less than the infinite character of God Himself.
· Grace is God's mercy pitying.
· Grace is God's wisdom planning.
· Grace is God's power preparing.
· Grace is God's love providing.
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There are two classes of people in this world:
· Those who think they can win or earn God's favor.
They say: "Something in my hand I bring."
· Others who are certain that they cannot win or earn God's favor.
They say: "Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to Thy cross I cling."
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“Grace taught my heart to pray,
And made my eyes o'erflow;
‘Twas grace which kept me to this day
And will not let me go."
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If Not, Be In Church!
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On a church bulletin were these instructions:
Hold this paper close to your nose and breath deeply.
· If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor.
· If it turns blue, see your dentist.
· If it turns red, see your bank manager.
· If it turns black, you need to check your will so see your lawyer immediately.
If, however, it does not change color, then there is nothing wrong with you
and so there is no reason why you should not be in church again next week.
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Ancient And Present Gods
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In ancient times every city had a particular god or goddess.
· Athens was the city of Minerva, the goddess of wisdom.
· Ephesus was the city of Diana, the goddess of the chase.
· Rome was the city of Mars, the god of war.
· Mariners worshipped Neptune.
· The war-like worshipped Mars.
· Female vanity bowed down at the shrine of Venus.
There are people in our country and community who proudly and ignorantly
worship these same ancient gods.
· Thousands of people are bowing at the shrine of Minerva
and are sacrificing at the altar of their own intellect.
· One of the most popular gods in the world today is Bacchus,
the awful god of drink.
His temples are erected along the highways of our nation
and in the homes of millions.
Thousands are sacrificing themselves on the altar of drink,
which is America's number one drug problem.
They sacrifice their wealth, their health, their reputation, and their character.
Another sacrifices her virtue; another gives her children; another his home;
and another will give his position. Many are ready to give their souls.
· Plutus, the god of gold, is worshipped by multiplied millions of people
all over the world.
Injustice, extortion, gambling, theft, war, and murder are all committed for money.
So here, "The love of money is the root of all (kinds) of evil."
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Begin With Faith
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Vance Havner, a Baptist evangelist, related the story of an elderly lady who was greatly disturbed
by her many troubles both real and imaginary.
Finally she was told in a kindly way by her family,
"Grandma, we've done all we can do for you.
You'll just have to trust God for the rest."
A look of utter despair spread over her face as she replied,
"Oh, dear, has it come to that?"
Havner commented,
"It always comes to that, so we might as well begin with that!"
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Spiritual Power
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Spiritual power is the endowment of the Holy Spirit.
We are equipped to witness for Christ when we are quickened by the Holy Spirit.
" We want, O Lord, Thy power to know
Before we forth to service go,
Or else we serve in vain,
We trust not human thought or might,
Our souls are helpless for the fight
Until Thy power we gain."
Jesus said, " Without me, you can do nothing."
The Bible says: " Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord."
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Board of Absentees’ Meeting
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We say that God isn't impressed with large numbers and man shouldn't be depressed with small ones.
And that's true.
But it's a fact that a full sanctuary leaves a positive impact on the people in the pew as well as
on the pastor in the pulpit.
All of which says that when we are absent without good reason, everyone stands to lose.
An item from a church newsletter makes this point in a unique way.
It's entitled, Calling a Meeting of the Board:
"The board of absentees will meet each time a service of the church is in session.
They will discuss various ways of keeping attendance as low as possible.
They will endeavor to see that there is no enthusiasm, and help to decrease the offerings.
The board will also seek to weaken the pastor's influence, and plan various ways to hinder any revival efforts
and all visitation programs in or by the church.
The board of absentees is composed of the following members:
Mr. I.M. Unconcerned
Mrs O.U. Hypocrite
Mr. and Mrs. U.R. Lazy
Mrs. C. Others
Mr. I.M. Disgruntled, chairman.
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Church Members Are Like...
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A lot of members are like wheelbarrows -- not good unless pushed.
Some are like canoes -- need to be paddled.
Some are like kites -- if a string isn't kept on them, they fly away.
Some are like kittens -- more contented when petted.
Some are like balloons -- full of wind and ready to blow up.
Some are like footballs -- you can't tell which way they'll bounce next.
Some are like trailers -- they have to be pulled.
Some are like neon lights -- they keep going on and off.
Many, thank goodness, are like the North Star -- there when you need them, dependable and ever loyal."
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Commitment Through Difficulties
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Commitment to God often comes in difficult circumstances.
When death seemed so close to Delos Miles in a bunker in North Korea, he began to pray.
As he lay on the ground, a Chinese soldier put a rifle to his head.
Miles prayed something like this: "Lord, if you are all-powerful like I've always heard you are,
you can bring me out of here alive.
If you will save my life, I'll do anything you want me to do."
The soldier fired.
Instead of going through Delos' head, the bullet went down across the right side of his head.
After 18 hours in that bunker pretending to be dead and 3 days and nights’ Delos made it back
to the First Marine Division.
He now serves as Professor of Evangelism at Southeastern Bapist Theological Seminary.
- Rodney Navey, Proclaim
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Days To Be Absent
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Dear Pastor:
You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person
has a right to miss now and then.
I think every person ought to be excused for the following reasons and the number of times indicated:
Christmas (Sunday before or after)
New Year (Party lasted too long)
Easter (Get away for holidays)
July 4 (National holiday)
Labor Day (Need to get away)
Memorial Day (Visit hometown)
School Closing (Kids need break)
School Opens (One last fling)
Family Reunions (Mine & wife's)
Sleep late (Saturday night activities)
Deaths in Family
Anniversary (Second honeymoon)
Sickness (One per family member)
Business Trips (A must)
Vacation (Three weeks)
Bad Weather (Ice, snow, rain, clouds)
Ball games
Unexpected Company (Can't walk out)
Time changes (Spring ahead; fall back)
Special on TV (Super Bowl, etc.)
Pastor, that leaves only two Sundays per year.
So, you can count on us to be in church on the fourth Sunday in February and the third Sunday in August
unless providentially hindered.
Sincerely,
A Faithful Member
See: Heb 10:25
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